alive

as we hug
and laugh
and clink our wineglasses
and smile
and whisper our deepest desires

i wonder

this love we share
what is it?

will it take the shape
of the vessel we put it in?

or, like the balloon in the
grubby hands of a birthday boy

will it fly away the moment
we stop paying attention?

i keep looking around me
to see if others can feel what i feel.

there is a warmth that chills me
and makes me shiver
like frisson under a heavy blanket
by a crackling soft fireplace.

the pebbles by my feet are hypervibrant
as though someone has endowed me
with color vision for the first time.

there is crispness in the autumn air.

i think back to that class
where the teacher asked us:
“how do we define life?

how do we tell
when something is alive?”

and i raised my hand and said, “when you can kill it.”

i stay still as a statue,
afraid that if i move
or blink
i’ll lose this moment

and i can’t help but ask myself,

if what we have between us feels so, so alive
then which one of us will eventually kill it?